On thursday — April 1st — we celebrated Lianne’s fifteenth birthday.

So many memories came flooding back to me about that day fifteen years ago and the days leading up to it.

The pregnancy before ended in a miscarriage at 18 weeks. I was devastated. I had never before experienced anything like that. As soon as I was able I became pregnant again. I found out that I was pregnant on the same day that would have been the due date of the miscarried baby. I saw this as a sign. A good sign. I knew in my heart that everything would be okay this time around. This pregnancy was so completely different from the other two. I hardly had any nausea at all. I felt great. I did yoga every day. I started swimming and swam throughout my pregnancy. I walked every day. And I started reading different books. Books about natural childbirth. I wrote up a birth plan. I bought a sling. I planned to do extended breastfeeding. Co-sleeping. Cloth diapering. During this pregnancy I went into a health food store for the very first time. I began learning about alternative health.

Lianne has challenged me in so many ways; right from the very beginning. She was and is my “challenging” child. Always so independent. Never asking for help, just helping herself instead. I remember finding her standing up on the kitchen counter at 2 years old, stretched up on her toes trying to reach a glass for herself, determined to get it herself. Lianne is the one that pushed me to go further, learn more, try to do better, open up my mind to new possibilities. It has been frustrating at times, to say the least, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I really believe that the universe gives us exactly what we need, when we need it. Lianne, my little april fool’s day baby, was exactly the remedy I needed for my broken heart. She mended it many times over. I am grateful for this beautiful gift.